LISTEN TO THE CRITICISM OF OTHERS… BUT DON'T SUPPORT THEM

BY: Michael A. Aun, FIC, LUTCF, CSP, CPAE Speaker Hall of Fame

My grandfather Elias S. Mack, Sr. was one of my mentors growing up. He gave me a book when I was only ten years old and told me that it would be one of the most valuable books I would ever have in my life.

I called my grandfather Jiddo, a word that means grandfather in his native Lebanese tongue. He called me his "hyetti," which, roughly translated means "the breath of my life."

"Here's a great book for you, my hyetti," Jiddo said. I opened it up and it was empty. "Jiddo, there's nothing in it; it has no value."

I'll never forget his response: "What you put in it will make it valuable."

That journal was the first of over 250 I have in my possession today. I jotted down many things that he and hundreds of other mentors have shared with me over the years.

I remember him sharing his philosophy with me growing up. "Hyetti, find out what the poor people are doing, then don't do it."

"What to you mean by that, Jiddo?"

"Find out what the successful people are doing then emulate their good habits." My late mother, Alice Mack Aun, put it another way: "If you want to be great in life, you must walk hand-in-hand and side-by-side and in the shadows of people who are great… and greatness will come unto you."

What terrific philosophy from people who loved you and lived their message.

I recall one afternoon during the last summer of my granddaddy's life, he said to me: "Hyetti, listen to the criticism of others, but don't support them."

"What do you mean by that, Jiddo?" I asked.

"Most people are criticizing the performer and not the performance," he explained. "They don't separate the two and many times that criticism is unwarranted and unnecessary."

I've never forgot that over the years. I remember when my twin sons entered the first grade at Lexington Elementary School in the early eighties, the teachers, in their wisdom, decided to separate them, putting Cory in one class and Jason in another. I never knew why they did this, but, interestingly, it gave us parents an opportunity to compare teachers.

I won't say one teacher was negative, but she had been weaned on a pickle. She would send the homework assignments home each day: "Dear Parent, see that your child does this and that this week.- Signed, the teacher." No expression of love. No expression of concern. No expression of encouragement, just marching orders.

The other teacher would write: "Dear pumpkins." (I like her already; after all, I, too, am a pumpkin). "We're going to work on this task and that task this week. It's tough, but you're smart. I've seen your work and I know that you can do it! - Love, Mrs. Casey."

Both teachers conveyed basically the same information. One did it with love and concern and the other with no love and no concern. Which teacher would you rather have?

I was standing in the old Lexington State Bank one day when I lived in Lexington back in the mid-eighties. I was standing right behind a young woman whose son was named Henry. How did I know his name was Henry? She must have called him down 15 times.

Henry was a handful. The last thing he wanted to do was stand in a line in a bank and he was expressing himself as only kids can do.

"Henry, get in line. Henry, if you don't stand still, I'm going to slap you silly boy! Henry, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to give you to that man," pointing to me. I didn't want him! But I would have taken him because of what she told little Henry next.

"Henry, if you don't straighten up, you're going to end up in jail one day." Would it surprise you to read about little Henry going to jail 15 years later? Garbage in, garbage out. Good stuff in, good stuff out.

Be careful of the criticism you dispense to others. You'll never know when there is a little Henry on the receiving end of your negative thoughts.