WHO SAYS AN OBITUARY NEEDS TO BE SERIOUS?

BY: Michael A. Aun, FIC, LUTCF, CSP, CPAE Speaker Hall of Fame

Come on… it ain't like it's a rule. The very best obituaries I've ever read are those that make me laugh and appreciate the deceased' sense of humor….

An Orlando resident recently went to his greater reward. The title of his obituary "Richard McCleve Traded 'Hippie' Life for One in Corporate America." Turns out that Richard, who hung with the likes of Janis Joplin, was still a hippie at heart though he held a Masters Degree in Business Administration. He blended the two with a career at Disney World.

Then there was Kenneth Williams' obit. He was a comedian and actor. He referred to his scholastic achievements as "non-existent" and further stated that he was the son of a strict Methodist and van driver.

Humor is all around us. When Pillsbury buried their "Doughboy" at the modest age of 71, someone wrote he was "placed in a lightly greased coffin… and that dozens of celebrities from Mrs. Butterworth to Captain Crunch paid their respects… Even Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy... He was said to have two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven… He was survived by an elderly father, Pop Tart."

And then there was Ted's obit. "Ted was discharged from the US Army during World War II due to service related injuries and then forced his way back into the Illinois National Guard, insisting no one tells him when to serve his country."

Another wrote, "I know what I want on my headstone- four big arrows pointing to tiny text so they'll have to bend in real close to read 'get off my grave.'"

It was Woody Allen who said, "It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." He went on to add, "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

Sorry Charlie… there's a 100% chance that you aren't getting out of here alive, so why not sit down and write your own obituary. As Mark Twain said, "I get the daily paper and if I'm not there, I carry on as usual."

And Groucho Marx pointed out: "Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

One of the funniest I've read of late was the passing of Fred Clark on July 11, 2006. He wanted it known that he lost his battle with life as a result of an automobile accident. "He spent his final hours joking with medical personnel, whimpering, cussing and begging for narcotics," said the obit. "His final wishes," according to the obit, "throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers."

It went on to say, "During his life he excelled at mediocrity… he had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon… he was often wrong but never in doubt…. he sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date with his wife, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU party… in lieu of flowers, make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store and get rip roaring drunk… Ain't gonna be no funeral, just a party to celebrate Fred's life… Finally, Fred's friends will be asked to gather in a phone booth to be designated in the future to have a drink and wonder, 'Fred who?'"

So writing your own obit is a great idea. I'm even warming up to the idea of doing my own eulogy on video to say what's on my mind after I'm no longer occupying a space on earth. But many people would rather die than to give a speech of any kind and especially one to be delivered posthumously.

The London times did a survey that said people fear public speaking more than anything else. Death was actually fourth on the list. Go figure. People would rather die than give a speech. Sometimes after I've delivered one, I felt like I did die.